I woke to darkness. Every morning it was the first thing I saw. I was tired. An exhaustion that only increased as the day wore on. At 16 I bore an emotional weight I could’ve have explained to anyone if they asked me what was wrong. I felt alone. The loneliness was tangible, I could feel it around me. This loneliness was only broken up by short interludes of happiness. Not joy, happiness. An all too brief ray of sunshine, only to return to the dark.
That was my life before Christ. I was brought up in Christian home but somewhere along the way I drifted away. I found myself in high school just miserable and lonely. I spent a lot of nights crying, begging for an out. It was a book that changed my life.
I stumbled across the Chronicles of Narnia and one of the stories really made an impact on me, The Horse and His Boy. Fabulous book. My favorite part is when Aslan walks beside Shasta, one of the main characters, and tells him that He was beside him through every part of his journey. He was his comfort among the tombs and the spur he needed to make it to his destination in time (won’t ruin the ending for you). When I read that my heart broke. In life there are times when you feel lonely. That loneliness can be so deep, so penetrating that its literally all you see, all you feel.
In the six years that I’ve been a Christian, I’ve felt sadness. I’ve felt momentary shifts of loneliness. But nothing as abysmally deep as before. Now, if I begin to feel lonely I only have to whisper His name and I feel His presence. My circumstances may or may not change but my feelings towards my situation changes. Its like He literally lifts my spirits. Everyday isn’t a walk in the park. I’ve had some extremely hard days. I’ve faced hard decisions simply because of my choice to follow Christ but, I wouldn’t trade my walk with Him for anything. I went from: painfully shy, timid, angry, hurt; to: calm, serene, joyous, kind, and generous. Every positive trait that I knew was there and just could seem to reach has been amplified. My bad traits are slowly being refined..its a beautiful feeling.
If you haven’t tried Christ, give Him a chance. He will make all the difference, if your open to it. If you’re going through a hard time with your walk right now, hold on. Cry, talk, shake your fist if you must, but stick with Him. It will get better. He can and will lift the darkness, if you let Him.