Hello, my name is Marie and I have a love-hate relationship with love. If you’ve followed my blog for long then you know its often the subject of my musings. I love relationships. I love seeing people in love, somehow, the right person brings out the best in a person. Your love for them makes you want to go that extra mile and look a little crazy or eccentric with your affection. It really is a beautiful thing to watch.
The struggle for me though is the balance between loving completely and still “being a lady”. I’ve been taught that, “A lady should love generously but still be a bit aloof, a bit of a mystery.” Apparently, giving your all to a man could be a complete setup for failure. So instead of putting your all out there, a lady has to play the role of the carrot and the dangler. Being present, available, and desirable, but always just out of reach.
A few months ago, I was dating this guy. He told me this story of a female friend of his that was married but her husband wasn’t meeting her sexual needs anymore because she was initiating all the time. My friend told her that she was too available. She needed to reignited the chase for her husband. Peek his interest and then tell him no a couple times. After a couple of tries he’ll be begging for it. I found this story hilarious but after the conversation was over I thought about it. Basically this is the same advice I’ve heard most of my life, just not directly about sex. To keep the spark alive, you have to know when to chase and when to be chased.
I’m not a fan of games. I’ve always been a straight forward, “what you see, is what you get”, type of girl. Therefore it seems like I’m at a bit of a disadvantage. How am I supposed to juggle being honest and transparent with my partner but still be a bit of a mystery and slightly aloof? As an introvert, I’m often aloof but I still long for my partner to know me. The whole thing is ridiculously paradoxical. I feel like a passenger in my own relationships, in my own life. Examining my behavior to make sure that while I’m open and available; I’m not too available, not too accessible. To stray too far on either side is to set myself up for disappointment and heartbreak.
Do I think that guys want to hurt the woman with the open heart? No. I don’t that’s the goal at all, I just think its the unavoidable result if you’re not careful. I’m beginning to think that as lady, somethings are better left unsaid to avoid getting hurt or being misunderstood. I suppose you just have to know your partner and decide what to disclose and what not to disclose. What to share freely and what to conceal. Gotta keep the interest right? After all, men like the chase…