So I’m up late listening to one of my favorite artists Mali Music and a song from his second album called “Heavy Love”. Great song. Its all about finding love and making that thing last for the rest of your life. The. Rest. Of. Your. Life. Now if you’ve followed my blog you know a number of stories are focused on marriage. Most of them focused on the ceremony or the preparation for the ceremony. Only a couple focus on what happens well after the cake has been eaten and the pretty white dress has turned a weird off-white color.
Mali’s song focuses on after. It acknowledges that marriage is hard work but he’s striving for a love that lasts twenty, thirty, forty years from that beautiful ceremony. It hit me though as I was listening to the song tonight. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the wedding. About the prospect of having the love of my life always beside me. Haven’t been thinking though about what having someone always around me is going to bring to the surface.
Marriage is a mirror. Whatever is there will be shown, revealed. At least that what I’ve been told. The idea of that is scary to be honest. I think I’m a pretty cool person. I’ve got some traits that I like and some I’d rather not air out…but marriage reveals all of that. You can’t hide forever and thrive in a marriage. At some point something happens that reveals another piece of you. In other words it’s the ultimate character refiner.
I think I’m a rather patient person but what am I going to do when my husband leaves his socks on the back of one of my dining chairs again? (did you catch the “my chair”?) It’s my personal belief (and one I hope to never prove the truth of) that marriages unravel from the everyday wear and tear and lack of maintenance. You get so caught up in everyday life that the building you did with this amazing person before the wedding kinda falls away.
Assuming you’ve chosen the right person for you, how do you maintain that? People are constantly growing and changing. Each day you get older, each day you learn something new about yourself. If you don’t make time to learn about the other person, your spouse, your other half…they’ll grow without you. You’ll find yourself in that incredibly awkward position of asking, “when did that happen?” “or when did you start to feel this way?”
To be honest the enormity of the undertaking I’ve been mulling over hit me (which is probably why this post seems so jumbled). Its crazy when you go from musing about something to it becoming a very distinct reality, not just a possibility. How I think about this thing, this institution is changing. When I take those vows before God vowing to love this man He’s given me with all I got…I’m praying I’ll be more ready than I feel right now. Right now…I feel like help Lord.lol
The perfectionist in me wants my marriage to be flawless, the realist knows that’s not going to happen.lol I’m not scared so much as…taking it all in. Its been hitting me in waves the gravity of the commitment I’d be making and what it might require of me. That dying to self so “we” can live instead of “me”. You’ve got to look at your partner and see them as they are and ask yourself, “Ok, this is who they are right now. Can you deal with this? If you say yes, what are you prepared to do to make this work?”
Any married folks out there with some advice for the growing groups of young adults mulling around jumping into this thing? I’m beginning to think marriage is to single folk what adulthood is to children. If we really knew everything involved we’d never want to grow up.lol When I get married I have no idea what hurdles my spouse and I will have to face or how we’ll handle living under the same roof for the first time. Adjusting to having to share a home with a whole other person will be a change in and of itself, never mind the unexpected stuff life loves to throw at you.
I don’t know, even with all these things in mind I think I’ve found someone I want to take this ride with. *shrugs* We’ll see how it goes when we get there, for now I’ll stick with dating.lol