Well, last week was one heck of week. Emotional roller coaster and then some honestly. Glad it’s over.lol After all the drama that was last week, I think I now have some clarity. A little renewal as well. I wanted to thank you guys for the support and for actually reading some of the sappiness in my last few posts. Breakups can be the worst but they can be learning tools if you let them. How you choose to see them matters.
Now, in my pieces The Aftermath and Mixed Signals, I focused on my feelings of failure and my hesitancy to consider dating again, at least for a while. While I do think I want to sit on the bench for a while, I want to focus on the focus of my failings.
Life is long but life is short y’all. I won’t make excuses for the mistakes I’ve made but I refuse to dwell on them or hold on to those failings. One of the things I’ve lamented is the time I feel like I’ve wasted. By dwelling on those mistakes instead of learning what I can from them and moving on, am I not making an even bigger mistake? How long will I re-litigate the past? If in the courts your only allowed to try a person for the same crimes once. Why should I continually retry this situation again and again. This is not the Scarlet Letter and I refuse to be Dimmesdale. Locking myself in a closet and punishing myself continuously. I wouldn’t want that for my ex, my friends, family, or even someone who didn’t like me. Why should I want any less for myself?
So, I want to invite you to join me on something I’m currently working. I’m working on forgiving myself for the things I’ve done, the things I wish I had done, and the things I wish I hadn’t. I’m also working on letting it go. I don’t want to live a life of regret. Things happen, mistakes can and are made. But, life can still be beautiful. Life can still be amazing. Love can still blow and grow in ground that was once thought as devoid of potential. God can still make beautiful things out the dust. No it might not be what I had hoped for or wanted initially but that doesn’t mean that it be amazing. I want amazing. I want a life that shocks me everyday because it is, in fact, my life.
I know I’ll still have moments of sadness and what not. But. But? But. But, I’ll be doggone if I spend the last few months of 26 as I’ve spent most of it. I can’t undone what’s already done but there is still much of this life that is unwritten. I want to create a life that makes me smile and pleases God. Big words I know. So, nice deep breath y’all. Now, take a step. Take that step bravely and believe. Believe in yourself and remember the words of Aunty Yonce, “Ima keep running because a winner don’t quit on themselves.” ❤