I started my blog during one of lowest moments of my life thus far. I’ve used this blog to catalog my hopes, dreams, fears, failures, all of it. Looking back over my pieces is like looking at a snapshot of life. I can read a piece and instantly remember what was going on in my life at that time. The growth, the depression, the joy, the sadness, its been recorded. My last few posts were about my feelings regarding my breakup and me trying to come out of that the dark fog that has been the last few years. That was then, this is now. Y’all ready for these updates??
Well! Your girl went from working as a temp in February, to working as a contract employee, to being gainfully employed at a law firm! In the span of ten months God has worked wonders!! I’ve been working and adding onto this new found confidence. I’ve going out, catching flights, shopping! Honestly, the life I’m living now is the life I’ve been praying for, for the last three years. I can’t tell you how amazing it feels to breathe again.
To be myself I’m becoming a better version of myself. The Marie I always knew I had the potential to be and it feels stupendous.
I retook the LSAT in October. Scoring a little higher than I did before. I was a little discouraged about the score but I told myself that whatever score I got, I was going to apply. I started researching schools and I applied over Thanksgiving weekend. Three. Business. Days. Later. I got an acceptance letter and notification of a large scholarship to one of my top choices! My dream has been to move out of state and that’s exactly what’s happening! I’m going to law school!!!! After six years of studying, waiting, crying, rejection, waitlists…I’m going to a great school and I won’t have to take out private loans to pay for it. God’s timing man…God’s timing.
So, as you can imagine everyone who knows my struggle is super excited. Its been a really hard journey for me but to end this year with an acceptance letter in my hand…I can’t think of a better way to end the year. I began this year, wondering when my life would turn around for the better. I’m ending this year, staring the better in the face. I brought in the New Year, alone. Listening to ex talk about his night with his friends and his hopes for the future. Feeling resentful that my life was where it was. That we were apart from each for yet, another holiday. This year, I’ll be with friends in NY, not watching the Ball Drop but definitely, not alone at home.
In ten months, my whole life has changed for the better. For the first time in years, I’m not only optimist about my life but looking forward to everything that comes next. My parents are proud of me, my family is proud of me, my friends are over the moon. It’s the greatest feeling in the whole wide world.
There were moments over the last two years in particular when I wanted to die. Just, die. I prayed for it a few times. I’m grateful now that I didn’t give into the feelings. One of the things that kept me going was the thought that I didn’t want my life to end in that current chapter. I was at an incredibly low point but I didn’t want my story to end there. I wanted whatever came next because I knew, I just knew, it had to get better from there. I fought, I prayed, I blamed God sometimes for the turn my life had taken. I gotta tell you, I’ve apologized to Him a lot over the last ten months. The last few months have been full of epiphanies. I didn’t know as much as I thought I did, whodathunk right? The change in me has been profound. My mom will call me sometimes and tell me how she loves the confidence she hears in my voice now. How happy I sound now. I said this earlier, I’ll say it again. It’s a beautiful feeling.
I’ll end this post by saying this. If you’re in a dark place right now, hold on. Regardless of how dark, how lonely, how pointless you feel, hold on. You’ve survived dark spots before, you can do it again. Don’t allow the situation to dictate how you feel. Life is filled with high and low moments. Don’t let either extreme dictate how you feel about life. I’m thrilled to be going to law school, it’s a major accomplishment. That said, law school is no joke. It’s hard. It’s broken some. I’ve read Reddit posts about people throwing up before exams. It’s not for the faint of heart. Regardless, its only three years. In the moment it might feel like pulling teeth but its three, nine month periods of time. After which, I’ll graduate, and possibly take the bar (haven’t figured that part out yet). I won’t be a law student forever. Its just for a season. If don’t like where you are right now, hold on. You’re turn is coming. Define your life by your growth, not by your lows. Oh, and when your change comes, don’t forget to share! 😉